I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
