I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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