I need help removing her.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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