i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
