Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
