So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
