i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
