I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize