guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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