i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
