sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
