Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
