So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
