I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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