I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
