By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
