what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
