apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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