i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
