I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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