god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
