Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
