i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
