Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
