You're earring is so big in my mouth
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Randomize
