found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
