I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
