You just made me feel so damn special
I am puke
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
