My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
