wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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