East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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