Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
