in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
