Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
