Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I could make wine with my vomit
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
