I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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