I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
