Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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