You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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