I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize