have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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