um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize