Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
