Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your penis caused this!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
