I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dignity is for republicans.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Someone came in the potted fern
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
