I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
