I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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