There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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