I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
