I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
