After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have post one night stand depression
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