I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
