gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
