i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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