Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i love accidental penises.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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