I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
