Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
