I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
