Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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