her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
