what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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