The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize