I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
