You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
