i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
