its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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