Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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