I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
