I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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